Using this as my diary…

I don’t do well with change. I am possibly making a huge change. I am definitely making some smaller changes. I have this horrible tendency to keep doing the same thing even when I’m unhappy because I fear any alternative. This causes me to get stuck in ruts. This causes me to waste precious time on permanently broken relationships. This sends me into the same patterns of up and down with my mama. 

There have been very few occasions where I’ve done anything out of the ordinary. It’s not that I’m a boring person. I like to think that there are some people that might even find me intriguing. I’m just not one for the unknown. I’m a compulsive planner. I need to know what’s next.

 

More importantly, I need to stop needing to know. I’m trying to recognize and appreciate that I am a forward thinker, but also not to decide that anything other than a planned path that I have already investigated will end in death and agony. I live my life with one foot in the nest. I’m always ready to jump back in, to go home, to snuggle with my puppy. 

I need to learn how to just- be. 

 

Breathing. Feeling. Experiencing. It’s so hard for me to let things be easy. I’m going to try very hard to start letting go- to start giving myself a little more slack.

 

It’s all going to work out. Eventually.

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