I’ve developed this perception of myself that I’m a really bad and selfish person- probably because people are always telling me that. I’m just getting to a place where I don’t think that’s true. I always try and think of other people when I’m making decisions. Sometimes I mess up, but doesn’t everyone?
Actually, I think I’m a good friend. I try to do things for my friends. I listen to them talk about shit that I don’t actually care about. I support them in their endeavors. I’m there to be cried on. I never bug people when they owe me stupid amounts of money. And then even when they are being fucking awful, insensitive, disrespectful, and hurtful to me, I don’t say anything.
I don’t stick up for myself because I’ve convinced myself that I deserve it.
For once in my life, I’m doing something that is ALL about me. People are going to be very angry about it because it affects them. I really just can’t care anymore. I get so much anxiety over upsetting people, or making them unhappy or angry with me. I don’t do things for myself. I don’t practice enough self care. I need space to just be alone, reflect, and breath.
My heart hurts from caring too much. I feel naive.
I can’t keep going out of my way to do things for people that would NEVER do the same for me.
Fuck. Get me out of here.